Cookie Cutter House

I have been married twelve years now. And while that may seem to be a drop in the bucket compared to, say, my grandparents, it's still something worth noting.

During weddings, star-struck brides and grooms often leaves scraps of paper in pews or on reception tables asking their guests for them marital advice.

The advice ranges from

"Don't sweat the small stuff"

to

"Do one sweet thing for each other every week"

 My personal favorite is: "You can't be naked and angry at the same time" and I make sure to always write this because it is funny and truthful.

When my daughters *hopefully* marry one day, I intend to give them this advice, however:
"Speak kindly and sincerely to one another."

While our dozen years of matrimony hardly makes us experts, I will say that over that span of time, Dan has shown me how to communicate.

We don't yell in our house.

Let me qualify: We spouses don't yell at each other. I bark at the children on occasion and they return the favor. But spouse yelling matches don't occur in our house because Dan Dykstra declared it so when we were first married.

I know because I tried to yell at him when we were newly married and he calmly said, "We don't do that in our house, Emily."  *Gulp*

Those manners that we learned as children... "Please", "Thank you", "Pardon me"... They go far in marriage.

If I am in Dan's way in the kitchen, he'll say things like, "Excuse me, hon."

If a spouse is unaware that they are standing in a busy hallway, the other one will lightly touch the back of the other and say, "Pardon me."

I'm pleased as punch that my three year old has begun to say "pardon me" as she barrels through people. It's a step in the right direction.

I don't have a magic wand as to what marriages work and how they do so and why some turn out great and others disintegrate.

But I do know that Dan is a gift to me. A precious gift. And God willing, I will always treat him as one.