It's a tremendously important time of year, Christmas.
I need Christmas more than ever.
I need the story of Mary's shame. And then her song.
I need the story to have a smelly donkey.
I need the inconvenience of all the circumstances. The rushed marriage. The disappointment of Joseph. The hurried journey for the census. The volatile government. The angry king. I need all the feelings to be messy.
I need the simplicity of the sleeping arrangements and the variety of visitors at the stable.
I need God to be flesh. To be poor. To be tired. To start with nothing. To be needy. To be inconvenienced and to be very small.
And then I need my soul to meet him there.
I need to enter the fear of Mary and Joseph as they wondered how they would start their life so impoverished and misunderstood.
I need to be still when people who I don't understand are called to be in my life. People like the shepherds. Or people like the kings, chasing stars, leaving symbolic but very odd gifts for a child. Perhaps they sold the frankincense for bread. Who brings perfume for a child?
I need the weariness of the Israelites, the tired watchers, looking for signs, longing for hope.
And then I need God to be born in me. To prepare a simple, earthy place in my heart where He resides and grows and spreads.
Everything which represents death to me, I need Him to be there. The rush of the season, the credit card bills, the misplaced expectations, the shame of being found wanting. I need God there in the murkiness of it all.
I need him to hold my schedule like the reins of a donkey and gentle guide me through all the busy places to the quietness where He is.
I need Him to feed and clothe me simply with forgiveness.
I need Him to meet me as a graphic designer, in my every day work and declare with wildly loud and bright, angelic proclamations that He is not contained by anything. Not by suits or ties or good presentations or perfect type treatments. Not by how we look or smell or how much money we make.
I need Him to remind me that families can have odd beginnings and endings and that the middle isn't perfect either.
I need Him to open my heart to make friends and acquaintances with whoever He sends my way. No matter what stars they chase.
I need Him to accept my gifts, no matter how wildly crazy or simple or inappropriate. I need Him to accept me, with all the ineffective ways I have clothed myself.
And then I need Him to grow in me, stomping on all the death in my life, leaving a trail of beauty where there was heartache and ashes and shame. I need Him to fill me so much that all the heartache in my life is simply a herald for new life to form. All the exhaustion is perfect for new strength, not my own.
When I don't have enough time or money or patience or aura or love or clarity or esteem. When I succumb to really good marketing because I don't have enough time to research something else, I need Jesus to laugh and say, "Welcome to Christmas. Rest. Be loved."
