When my children are old enough to go to the BIG theater to see a movie, it's difficult to put into words what a huge rite of passage this is for them. Essentially I am telling the world that I am ready to truly bring them into the public light. That maybe they won't bounce from seat to seat for 2 hours straight. And maybe they won't point out the girth of a pregnant woman who... oopsie daisy... wasn't pregnant after all.
When Dan and I recognize that our child MIGHT be able to sit through an entire movie, there's no question: We always start them off at the discount theater. The reasons for this are numerous, but it mostly comes down to: "IF our child started howling like a hyena in the middle of a film and we had to leave, how much dough would we lose?" Followed closely by, "IF our child spilled an entire soda or scattered 6 ounces of Skittles merrily down the slanted floor of the theater, WHICH venue has the creepiest, stickiest floor?"
For Eve's first theater experience, we took her to see "The Croods."
We went to the movie theater to see a movie, but most of my entertainment was found in the wide eyes of my 4 year old.
We walked into the theater and gave our tickets to the gentleman taking them. "This is her first movie in the theater," I explained. Eve blushed a grin and hurriedly grabbed her ticket stub. We arrived at the theater a full 30 minutes early because, well, it's the "cheap" theater so you never know how full it will get and it was a rainy-ish day. Plus, Dan is religious about getting good seats.
A word about Dan: Dan was probably expecting a more serene movie experience.
He was probably expecting to sit in the aisle seat.
And to have Eve sit quietly next to him.
And to not have Eve get up and need to leave the theater three times before the movie started.
I, on the other hand, was expecting complete chaos.
So when Eve dropped her entire bucket of popcorn on the floor immediately upon sitting at our seats, I wasn't surprised.
And when she began to dance on the fallen popcorn pieces, I was just glad that I didn't have to clean it up.
And when she was frightened by the scary parts of the movie and began kicking the seat in front of her repeatedly, I understood.
When we found our seats, Eve promptly asked for popcorn.
Did we NEED popcorn? No. Three bags of candy were plenty.
But wait... we NEEDED popcorn because, well, we were teaching her about culture. We HAD to teach her the proper junk food to eat while watching animation on the big screen and to teach her the right ratio of sugary candy to salty popcorn. It was a necessary evil.
All those days of saying "No dessert before dinner" and "Let's find a healthy snack" were meant to build up their immune system so that on THESE occasions we could throw the rule book out the window and say, "How about POPCORN with GUMMY WORMS and M&MS?" and watch their eyes twitch as they contemplated if the question was a trick.
As parents it's immensely important to make rules so that when you teach your children to break them they'll have fun.
If you're an offended health nut, take heart: Eve's continuous bouncing on the retractable theater seats burned 473 calories. I counted.
By the way, I know it's considered wrong, but we smuggle candy into theaters. It goes against every fiber of my being to pay $5.00 for twenty Junior Mints. I just won't do it. I refuse. I'll buy the overpriced popcorn, but not the candy. And until they institute a theater "pat down" for rule breaking ticket holders, I intend to continue this tradition and teach it to my children.
For friends of mine who would prefer to have a review of the movie "The Croods," here's what I can tell you: If you like Pixar movies, you'll dig this. If you prefer the more demure and old fashioned "Snow White" flicks, then you should pass on this or go back in time and live in the 1950s.
This whole experience wasn't really about the movie anyway. It was about Eve, growing up, having fun and being a big girl.
I was not disappointed.
