Kryptonite

In which I speak of my Kryptonite.

Life is very busy lately. We were averaging 2-3 medical appointments a week to clear up some recurring issues with my health and Eve's health.

And as any mother of young children knows, there are enough joys and duties to fill one's day without the doctor visits. I'm eager to get these health issues cleared up.

And then, of all things, last week an individual rear-ended us while we were stopped for an ambulance. I have to laugh when I think of the irony in that statement.

In any case, as soon as the truck hit us and I heard the terrible "crunch" sound of cars colliding, I immediately thought, "Ugh. Insurance forms and phone calls." (Is that weird that that was my FIRST thought?)

Eve doesn't remember the collision. If she could remember the day better, she would tell you that she got a lot of gum that day and toys. To be fair, I didn't MEAN to give her an entire pack of gum to eat, but I was talking with the officer and she found it in my purse. Three year olds crack me up with their resourcefulness. The toys were meant for another time but I knew the hours in the emergency room would be better spent if she was distracted.

The point of all this is that my mind is completely full of insurance jargon and feeding the faces of my family  and just living life.

And yet...

...while I take a few minutes to sit down at my computer, my mind goes THERE.

"There" is the evil that my mind goes to when it has no rein of thought. It starts innocently enough. My mind says, "I wonder how so and so is doing..." and then, if uncontrolled, it starts to think of someone who hurt me or someone who is complicated or a negative situation. It's always negative.

I steer my thoughts back to what I WANT it to think, a bit ashamed that my thoughts don't naturally go there. Actually, I'm very ashamed of my negativity. I have so many friends who seem to naturally ooze happiness from their pores; my happiness is baked to my specifications. It's often not there unless I put it there. It's the cross of being an artist, I think: being sensitive often means being negative.

I'm amazed that my full heart would want to dwell on something so small and negative and hurtful. Life is SO much more than that.

There are some situations in life that will never be resolved. If I keep thinking on them, my brain will fry. In order to reboot my mind, I need it to think on other things. Here's what I do:

1. I work on my design work. I take a page from the LionChaser's Manifesto and I "criticize by creating." My current design collection has taken about a year to create and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. :)

2. I enjoy something new, especially if its artistic.
A new book. A new magazine. New music. I need my mind to see beauty in life.

3. I call a friend and see how their life is. I need to get out of my mind and my problems and think of others.

4. I go ape.
No really... I started making these "ooo-OOOO--OOOO" sounds like a chimp and I chase my three year old. She loves it and I forget what I was thinking about. It's win-win.

At the end of the day, I look to the Bible. It has something to say about my thought life:
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

It's my Kryptonite: negative thoughts.  But it won't be my undoing.