Facebook Fasting

Observations on Week 2 of "No Facebook"...

I'm seeing the pattern of when I use Facebook.

Something crazy happens in our house. No one is around to see it.
I Facebook it.

Something awful happens in our house. I'm the only adult to see it.
Facebook again.

Something lovely.
Something terrifying.
Something maddening.
Something heart warming.

Facebook, Facebook, Facebook.

In fact, when I first go to my computer in the morning to check my email (*yawn, mostly boring...) my fingers automatically want to type the url for Facebook. It's almost like I have trigger fingers for it.

I don't think Facebook is bad. I really don't. In fact, it has provided me with a wealth of friendly connections and kept me in touch with adults, which is a treasure to a stay at home Mom.

What I don't like about Facebook is how it sneaks in the crevices of my mind and edges quietness out of my mind. There's something special about being able to hold something close to my heart, ruminate on it and be able to share it with others later.

I miss Facebook, but I don't miss the way I think when I'm on Facebook. I like thinking complete thoughts and letting those thoughts sink in. I like thinking in paragraph form, instead of snippets. I like thinking in big, broad strokes instead of having my thoughts perforated by, "Oh, this would be a riot on Facebook. I should share it."

Facebook fragments my thinking.

Ultimately I want to learn to be more quiet in my heart and to hear God's voice.

Have I been successful so far? Well, I've been more quiet in my mind but I haven't heard God's voice in the awe-inspiring way that I expected. I've been reading chapters of the Bible, chunks at a time and find myself marveling at the humanity of Jesus, the way He has such compassion on the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years... I cry almost every time. I love Jesus for not rushing around and being, forgive the term, "GODzilla". He took time for people, all sorts of people.

In the midst of reading these chapters I can honestly say that I would have loved to have been able to have met the flesh and blood Jesus of the Bible. I would have loved to have met Him on the road, have Him see right through my insecurities, my vanity, my efforts, my heart and say, "Em, let's have dinner."

I can honestly say that not until recently have I ever wanted to meet Jesus. I've been terrified.

But now I see things differently. I see His gentleness. I see how He told the Pharisees to go suck on a lemon (essentially) since they hated how He healed people on the Sabbath.

I love Jesus' heart.

So, no, I haven't had any spiritual nudgings of "go this way, do that" except to realize that when I sit down, put aside my fragmented thoughts and look into Jesus' life, I see a man who could only have been God.

Come to think of it, that's right where I'm supposed to be.