Over a dozen years ago I was a Sunday School Teacher to first graders. The gig only lasted a year or two and it was incredibly educational and entertaining for me. I volunteered for the position because I thought they were cute and I thought I could make a difference in their little worlds.
I'm not sure if I made a difference, but I learned a heap about human nature from that stint. I won't weigh you down with the full stories but the bullet points would be something like this:
1. Don't dress up children in shiny silver fabric, tell them that they are the "glory of God" from a Bible Story you are reenacting and expect them to somberly act like deity; instead, delight that the aforementioned "glory of God" has a sense of humor as it screams and chases little girls.
2. Do not ask open ended questions; ask "yes" or "no" questions to stories. Because if you ask for a review of a Bible Story you will hear about how someone's goldfish, also known as "Flipper", made it's swirly, flushy entrance into goldfish heaven. And then all the class will want to tell stories of their dead pets.
3. Before you tell a Bible Story, expect half the class to raise their hand and say, "We've already heard this story." Anticipate saying, "Well, we're going to hear it again."
This last point, about hearing something AGAIN is actually of immense value throughout life, not just in first grade.
I spend most of my life surprised that I'm re-learning something or experiencing some trial in life which I had previously mastered, or thought I had.
When I gave birth to my second daughter, Eve, the nurses at the hospital laid her on my chest and I honestly thought that I gave birth to my first daughter, Morgan, again; they looked almost identical. If deja vu met pregnancy hormones... that's what I experienced. I gave birth to Morgan.
"Again."
When my children ask for lunch I tease them, "Again? I just gave you a sandwich yesterday." And I'll give them a sandwich again tomorrow.
"Again."
The BEST joy from "again" comes when you sing a song to a happy toddler and at the end of the song they squeal with delirious delight, "Again! Again!" It's fantastic.
There are situations for which "Again" is not so much exclaimed as uttered with a sigh.
Like when the sump pump broke twice. I was too angry to say "Again?" but I screamed it in my head.
Or when I go to the grocery store for the third time in a week. Not sure how this happened but I'm here.
"Again"
The most deafening cries of "Again?" come from angst.
From a family car that keeps breaking down and there is no money to fix it.
From a marriage where shouting is the normal mode of communication.
From a military family who must move. Again.
After I go through a particularly difficult season in life I often find myself saying, "Whew! I made it. I'm so glad I don't have to go through that again."
I'm entirely unclear as to why I think that God has a clipboard of tribulations which he administers in a "check the box" sort of fashion to make me a well-rounded individual. But somewhere in my cranium is some bizarre theology which says that God doesn't do "AGAIN's"... Once you go through something bad you get a "Get out of Jail Free Card." God puts a memo in His file that you've already DONE that so you don't have to do it again.
And this is immensely bad theological footing because if wasn't for God's "again" love we would have ONE shot at doing something right, we would fail and we would have no more chances.
I am painfully aware of this because I am working through forgiveness towards people in my life and I want to say, "but they did this offense 27 times in a row... I'm done with forgiving them" and God helps me to my feet and says, "C'mon. Again." And if weren't for God giving me "again" strength then I may not have been able to submit my body to IVF to conceive my daughter Eve. Again is important to me.
I distinctly remember thinking this two years ago when my husband lost his job. It was only 2 months of unemployment, but it was hell and I hated it. When we emerged from unemployment, I sighed deeply and thought, "Well, I'm glad THAT's over with."
And then, two years later, a massive mistake made by a CEO causes my husband-- along with TONS of other people at the same company-- to be unemployed again through no fault of his own. Again? Oh, how I hate that word.
So we accepted Unemployment Insurance. Again.
And condolences from friends. Again.
And wrestled sadness. Again.
Again, again, again.
But... When I turn my gaze to God's mercies, I see the positive side of "again."
I see that the sun came up today. Just like yesterday. And the day before.
I see that my eyes are blinking. Hundreds of times a day. Over and over.
I see the seasons changing and the children growing and the fridge emptying and filling with the effects of the children growing.
I hear the toilet flushing as my preschooler learns to use the bathroom. And how does she learn? By doing it again and again and again.
There is an entire chorus of "Again's" that refresh my eyes and fill my lungs and tell my heart that God is good again.
And that forgiveness heals again.
And that my marriage partner of 12 years can not only make me smile still, but smile again.
It's cathartic in the best broken-record sort of way.
Watching the repeats of life.
Smiling at the joy they bring.
And knowing that God's love is chocked full--like a coffee cup topped with cream when there was no room for cream in the first place-- spilling over full of "again's."
Amen and again amen.
