I think I have spent most of my life thinking it was cool to be a pessimist, cynical, critical and, if circumstances merited, a victim.
It could be because I'm artistic and artistic people feel things deeply.
It could be that I wanted to fit in with other people's world views, so I adopted a "everything is dark and bleak" attitude.
Pessimistic people are really always happy, they just look miserable. They like to be pessimistic. When things go wrong they say, "See? That's what I expected." And if you know someone who is perpetually pessimistic, you can encourage them to see things differently, but know that you will be destroying their happiness. Ironic, I know.
If you know someone who is continually complaining about things, chances are:
1. They want to feel important or special.
2. See #1.
I have spent the greater part of my life wrestling with this negative side of myself. I didn't truly see how negative I was until I met various friends in my life who have endured very dark things in their life. Instead of relishing in their victimhood, they grieved and fought back the sadness by allowing something new to be created in their life.
Like my friend whose grandmother was murdered. She started a ministry of making quilts for people who are in prison or have endured horrendous grief in life.
Or my friends whose parents have made very poor decisions for their families, neglecting the gift of their children. These friends are the most AMAZING parents to their children.
Like my depressed friend who continues to fight for life instead of give in to temptation.
A major turning point for me happened several years ago. In a particularly dark period of my life in which I never thought another fetus would survive my womb, I learned to fight for joy. During that same period, my husband had something horrible happen at work and my parents divorced. It seemed like all the joy of the world had been sucked out into a vortex of hopelessness.
One day I woke up, bleary eyed and said, "I'm tired of crying." And while this word is not always appropriate, in this case it is: "Damn the tears and the sorrow and the suffering."
I felt a surge of life inside me. That's when I started designing again. Wow.
New life. New colors.
Joy for the eyes.
Changing critical into creation.
I'm not really an optimist now, but I'm trying to be a joyful realist, reveling in the beauty that God sustains.
Life isn't perfect and grief abounds.
Hope abounds more.
