Marathon, Baby!

I need to rest. Desperately. Not just physical 10-hours-a-night rest. I'm talking unplug the brain and let wisps of wind run through my hair rest. I'd settle for a twenty minute bath. Alone. With no one talking to me. I did too much and it's all my fault. Ugh.

Motherhood is a marathon. It's a long haul. Some parents take it like a sprint and that's where they get into trouble. I know because that's how I started. I reveled in those books about how to keep toddlers busy and how to cook with your child and how to enjoy every living moment with your offspring by your side.

Now that I'm older, tireder and more "get to the point-er", I have developed my own philosophies on raising children. If you don't agree with me, well, then you can't be my friend anymore. Until tomorrow.

Behold my Manifesto:

Firstly, I find that children need a balance of time spent playing with others and playing by themselves.

If a child spends too much time being told how to play, it will render them useless when they get to college and need to write a dissertation on something important, like hair follicle stimulation or how to get Playdoh out of carpet. Children need to learn to use those dark recesses of the brain now that will ignite the creativity they need to even ask those questions in the first place. I can tell an "overly calendared" child from a mile away. Their attention span comes in neat 10 minute increments and they have songs for every transition in life.

That being said, I currently have a child upstairs who is *supposed* to be having a quiet time and it is a far cry from anything quiet up there. She wants to interact; once I get my senses about me, I will let her interact with me and let her roam like the free range child that she is.

As an aside: I find that God likes to give children in batches of "opposites": One very social child will follow a very introverted child in birth order. He does this to keep our minds sharp and flexible. And perhaps to get a laugh.

Secondly, a mother who makes motherhood her entire world will find that her world is portable and will leave her one day.

This is not a case for being a stay at home mother or for being a work away from home one. This is a case for showing your children that, while they are endlessly entertaining, there is a world vast and amazing that goes beyond their gorgeous, pleading doe-eyes. I am the worst offender at this because I yo-yo between showing my children perpetual attention and then have a slight of tongue in which I accidentally tell my 2 year old to "go away" and that's the ONLY thing she remembers I ever taught her. *sweet mercy*

Plus, I feel that children whose parents hover too much feel insecure. Yes?

I recommend that parents should read books, learn about opera or try a new workout to broaden their horizons. I don't do any of these things, but I thought you should have somewhere to start. None of these rules apply to me.

Rest, for heavens sake. Rest.

I have a friend who joked constantly about stay at home mothers watching Oprah and, truth be told, I can't say that I ever have time for television. First, I don't particularly like television but more importantly, television causes my children to rise up and called me unblessed things. Like "mean". Plus-- let's be honest-- all of Paula Deen's recipes are the same: Start and end with butter.

There was one day last year when I forsook a nap and watched an amazing hour long Masterpiece Theater show. Afterward I felt amazing. I was smiling. My mind was stimulated. I felt rested and strong and had energy. Energy! It's like crack for mothers!

It was such an amazing day that I *still* remember it fondly and hope to do it again in a year.

Allow margin.

I cannot take credit for this. This is purely from my sister Noel who, at one point, had 4 children 4 years old and under. She still has the four children but now they are maturely at ages 8, 5, 3 and 3. (Yes, twins.) As you can see, she has all the time in the world.

My sister has always told people that one of her secrets for keeping her head screwed on correctly is to allow for margin. When she decorates for Christmas, she gives herself one hour to do so and then puts the rest of the boxes away. She naps almost every day. In the event that her children disagree with her assessment to nap, she has ear plugs so she can continue her part.

She allows for margin in her budget, her time and her energy. She is the ultimate in "cool headed momma" and when you meet her one day you will instantly like her and dislike her at the same time. But the former feeling will prevail. I promise.

It's all about love.

Can someone please tattoo this on my forehead?

Say "no" to others more than your family.

I find that I have 50% less friends because of this philosophy and I'm not hating it.

The other way to say it is "Find ways to say 'yes' to your children." I'm naturally a "no-no" momma, but I'm learning to say "yes, have a morning cookie" once in a while, just to keep them guessing. That being said, a good old-fashioned "no" is sometimes in order and perfectly fine, too.

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So there you have it: Thoughts on motherhood from a woman who doesn't do half of it well, but chooses to see the glass as half full.

Of coffee.