I can barely type those words for the mist in my eyes; I'm so sad that I prayed those words.
But thankfully God didn't see fit to acknowledge that prayer.
Last night I had a sleepover with my precious Eve. The sleepover was not planned. My sweet preschooler was swept with a mad rash of influenza which rendered her weak and helpless. Her body became a ragdoll as I cleaned her face from each bout of sickness. I was truly concerned for her and it was no sacrifice for me to walk with her through this. She's my daughter and she's also my friend.
But pulling an all-nighter leaves one a big foggy-brained and perhaps a bit more fragile. I started the morning with 6 loads of laundry and a well-loved kitchen. My daughter was begging me for water which I could only issue in teaspoon amounts until her stomach settled. Everything seemed louder and harsher.
I ran the water in my kitchen sink. This was immensely satisfying. The smell of fresh bubbles. The warmth of clean water. I smiled at its simple joy.
I lit a candle. Whenever I light candles, I feel like my mother is with me. There's something almost spiritual about lighting a candle. The kitchen can be a wreck but the candle welcomes peace in its low flickering light.
And then, when my brain fog lifted, I smiled at other things in my home which give me peace which I thought I'd like to share.
My Amaryllis bulbs are brilliant. I try to buy them every year so that I have something beautiful growing in January.
My reading chair. Do you have a reading chair? I can't tell you how much joy this corner of my universe gives me. A blanket, a comfy seat, a gentle light and some fun reads.
I bought this side table from a thrift store several years ago. It was the "placeholder" table until I could find one that I truly loved. It is no longer the placeholder table; I'm keeping this puppy. It's big and round and fits all my lovely reading chair needs.
My "Go To" books are kind of like my friends who remind me who I am. Besides the Bible, I keep "Gifts from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, some Shauna Niequist books, Molly Wizenberg's "A Homemade Life", some art books, a few "self helpers" and some classics.
I keep a swanky Campbell's soup pen holder. I only keep magazines which truly bring me joy. If they make me all cranky inside about what I don't have they go the way of the dodo bird.
Every mother should have a little slice of peace in her home. It might be the kitchen sink or a sewing room. It might be gardening or a bench by a bright window. It might only be 3 square inches where a candle is lit.
And on days where the evening and morning meet entirely too quickly, it certainly helps bring joy.